In Hawaii it's all the same. I guess precipitation amount may vary a bit by "season", as well as flora varieties, but, meh. I don't care. It's not seasons worth my attention.
I'm working again. This is my longest job since the military. It's still a temp job, but it's lasted 5 weeks so far. It should be done soon, and after that, I FINALLY GET TO VISIT MAINLAND!!
I have some other things to attend before I leave, too, but knowing I can afford it, and that it WILL happen in the next few months is good.
This job is pretty good. Especially compared to my last one. But cleaning toilets would have been desirable compared to my last one. It was at an H&RBlock set up in a PX Customer Service area. Not in a separate area, but right where people go to make returns, get money orders, etc. Ridiculous. Besides, I was completely under-trained, worked with morons, didn't have internet half the time (which was vital in doing my job!) and the phones didn't work often, as well. To top it all off, people were not only in the customer service area with screaming, bratty children, but THEY BROUGHT THEIR KIDS WITH TO GET TAXES DONE. One woman gave her kids a KAZOO to play with! What the hell?? I had a headache every single day, and was thrilled to be able to leave to have my wisdom teeth extracted - and never come back, because I got my current job offer right after!
I'm working as a DoD contractor, and it's cool to be working with so many former military people. Even the military spouses are okay here - not the typical ones that drive me freakin' crazy. I do my job in a 'secure' building, so I get to feel all important, but really, I just scan documents and shred things all day. It's super-easy and: pays almost 3 times what I was making at H&R. It is my belief I was underpaid there, and probably overpaid here, but I am so okay with that. :) I've paid my dues, and it's only a temp job, so I don't feel too guilty.
I still think school is an option for the fall. I need to resubmit my fafsa with this years tax info - which will get me even less money - :( and call the community college - they don't have their deadlines posted online. They have the ones for the spring semester that were back in January. Typical Hawaii. I figure with the economy what it is, and getting a job (particularly one near me) so difficult, I might as well at least try to knock out an associates before heading back to the mainland in 2 years. It might make me a bit more marketable then.
Today has been a bit sucky. Starting yesterday, I've had 'stomach issues' that are either the flu or the by-product of just starting to take Hydroxycut. Either way, I'm permanently discontinuing the Hydroxycut, and wouldn't recommend to anyone.
It's time for me to drink some more gatorade and rest again.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
FRUSTRATION
Tomorrow is my first birthday away from the mainland. Away from almost all my friends, and definitely all my family. I don't even get to see my husband for my birthday. He's at a month-long Army training thing - he'll get a 1-day break on Thanksgiving, and then not be home until December 10th. Note to anyone: don't join the Army. The Air Force or Navy are much fairer to their people. I'm not going into details, if you want, ask, but as someone who has experienced 1st and 2nd hand, trust me.
My birthday plans? Get a load of this. I'll be 27 (TWENTY-SEVEN, HOW did that HAPPEN?). I have about 5 friends on island, really only one I keep up with. But some of them are friends I met through doing a theatrical production this summer. Well, their show right now is High School Musical. Did I audition? Hell to the no. But 3 of them did, and got in, ages 19 - 32. Since they are my 'boys' I'm going to see them opening night. Tomorrow. Yes, for my 27th birthday, I am going ALONE to High School Musical LIVE. Does it get more pathetic than that?
Next, education.
I want to start earning an associates degree in Paralegal Studies. However, I need money, and to my best knowledge, I need to wait to submit my FAFSA until January. I'm not sure now, I read something that makes me wonder. So, placing my school entry on hold, I've resumed looking for work. I'm now a contractor for a large office staffing firm. I had an interview, assessment, etc, and I did okay. I was terrified, and had to reschedule once. But I did it, and yesterday I got an offer. The crappy thing? I had to turn it down. It was for Saturday, and it was a 10-hour shift -- on my feet. It would have been simple football game (University of Hawaii) customer service, but despite all of my rehabilliation following Air Force and other injuries, I don't trust myself to stand that long. Even if I lasted that day, I know I would have been on pain meds the next several days. I felt perfectly awful turning down my first offer. I mean, that can't look good! And furthermore, they had told me of a great long-term (3 months) post they're looking to fill. It's a receptionist at a Law Firm! With my admin asst experience, and my desire to be placed in a Law Firm, this was perfect. However: first they have to submit my name for consideration. This is not a typical placement. Then, if the "client" wants to, another interview (again, not quid pro quo for this agency). The job needs to be filled December 1st, but the problem herein lies: the staffing agency has "not been able to get ahold of the client' to further discuss this opening. This from my interviewer, with whom I followed up on Monday (interview was Friday). I don't know if this is laziness on the agency's part - or unattention to particulars, or if the Law Firm is really placing that low of a priority of staffing that position - or maybe it's been filled and they are not courteous enough to let the agency know. Whatever the case, it leaves me - someone who REALLY wants this opportunity, frustrated, and unavailable for other weekday spots.
More on the stupid Army training. Husband is going to WLC, which is army talk for "Sergeant Training." Even though he's only a few miles away, he has to sleep in barracks. DUMB. I understand, also how busy his day is, but the thing that had me in tears last night: the few minutes he had to talk to me, cell phone reception dropped terribly. We could only hear one or two words per sentence. I was trying to tell him that I might not get to speak with him ON my birthday - being in a theatre at the time he calls, but I spent about 5 minutes repeating myself just to be understood. And of course the call was dropped at least twice. It was terrible. It sounds petty enough, but it was just one of those days when all I wanted was to talk - just for a few minutes - but I couldn't. It really left me hating the army and Hawaii. I want to live mainland sooo badly.
Holidays have not been a source of joy for me since about age 14. My grandmother died just a few days before Christmas after a long battle with cancer. It was terrible enough, and every year following there was always that shadow - at least to me. After my oldest sister divorced and remarried (to my conservative father's horror)then subsequently moved out-of-state, the holiday season became a time of "who is coming?" "when" and "who do we buy gifts for" and in the least pleasant way possible. In October 2006 I was in California and got married. With one witness. To a man my family had not yet met. I looked forward to Christmas for the first time in years. I was excited to spend the first half of my 2 week vacation with my family in Nebraska, introducing my wonderful husband, then fly back to Washington state to spend the rest with his family. It was not to be. The day before we were going to leave California, an epic snowstorm hit Denver. And of course, the flight was cancelled. The only way to reschedule was to only spend ONE day in Nebraska. I opted not to. It would've been too hard. So, in a decision that I KNOW fostered jealousy, we spent the whole of the holidays in Washington. While his family is wonderful, I had not seen mine for 7 months and was going crazy. It was nice, but my family was on my mind constantly, and I wanted to spend most of my time holed up in the bedroom with my head buried under the covers. I didn't want to face anyone. Plus, I was trying to get out of the military at this time, too, and was dreading talking about it.
Which brings me to last year. I was out of the military, and lucky to be living in Nebraska for a few months while husband was in Texas completing his MOS training. He was able to fly to visit me for a week. So, after being married for 1 year, 2 months, my family and my husband finally met. But, it being holidays in my family, it was not all joyful. My oldest sister was beginning a second messy divorce. Her kids were constantly with their other families, and my sweet middle sister ended up in the hospital on our last day there. There was no family picture to be had. No everyone sitting together.
I wish I could fast forward this year. I'm stuck on an island. Husband can't take leave, owing to being new at his job. It's upwards of 80 degrees, now in late November, and Christmas music has been playing since November 1st some places. I'm discouraged about a job, education, and husband works Christmas Eve, Day, and New Year's Eve. He'll be home in the evenings, but it will just be a set of normal days. I don't know why I resent it so much. After so many years, I shouldn't let it get me down. But isolated as I am, I need normalcy more than ever.
Today, I just want to cave in. Crawl back into bed, covers over head. I want to go to sleep, and wake up on the mainland with my husband, with some tiny bit of success - school, career. But right now, THIS is what I'm doing. Cats are sleeping, my connection to everyone I care about is either online or on the phone.
Allow me to wallow, because for today, that's what is on my agenda.
My birthday plans? Get a load of this. I'll be 27 (TWENTY-SEVEN, HOW did that HAPPEN?). I have about 5 friends on island, really only one I keep up with. But some of them are friends I met through doing a theatrical production this summer. Well, their show right now is High School Musical. Did I audition? Hell to the no. But 3 of them did, and got in, ages 19 - 32. Since they are my 'boys' I'm going to see them opening night. Tomorrow. Yes, for my 27th birthday, I am going ALONE to High School Musical LIVE. Does it get more pathetic than that?
Next, education.
I want to start earning an associates degree in Paralegal Studies. However, I need money, and to my best knowledge, I need to wait to submit my FAFSA until January. I'm not sure now, I read something that makes me wonder. So, placing my school entry on hold, I've resumed looking for work. I'm now a contractor for a large office staffing firm. I had an interview, assessment, etc, and I did okay. I was terrified, and had to reschedule once. But I did it, and yesterday I got an offer. The crappy thing? I had to turn it down. It was for Saturday, and it was a 10-hour shift -- on my feet. It would have been simple football game (University of Hawaii) customer service, but despite all of my rehabilliation following Air Force and other injuries, I don't trust myself to stand that long. Even if I lasted that day, I know I would have been on pain meds the next several days. I felt perfectly awful turning down my first offer. I mean, that can't look good! And furthermore, they had told me of a great long-term (3 months) post they're looking to fill. It's a receptionist at a Law Firm! With my admin asst experience, and my desire to be placed in a Law Firm, this was perfect. However: first they have to submit my name for consideration. This is not a typical placement. Then, if the "client" wants to, another interview (again, not quid pro quo for this agency). The job needs to be filled December 1st, but the problem herein lies: the staffing agency has "not been able to get ahold of the client' to further discuss this opening. This from my interviewer, with whom I followed up on Monday (interview was Friday). I don't know if this is laziness on the agency's part - or unattention to particulars, or if the Law Firm is really placing that low of a priority of staffing that position - or maybe it's been filled and they are not courteous enough to let the agency know. Whatever the case, it leaves me - someone who REALLY wants this opportunity, frustrated, and unavailable for other weekday spots.
More on the stupid Army training. Husband is going to WLC, which is army talk for "Sergeant Training." Even though he's only a few miles away, he has to sleep in barracks. DUMB. I understand, also how busy his day is, but the thing that had me in tears last night: the few minutes he had to talk to me, cell phone reception dropped terribly. We could only hear one or two words per sentence. I was trying to tell him that I might not get to speak with him ON my birthday - being in a theatre at the time he calls, but I spent about 5 minutes repeating myself just to be understood. And of course the call was dropped at least twice. It was terrible. It sounds petty enough, but it was just one of those days when all I wanted was to talk - just for a few minutes - but I couldn't. It really left me hating the army and Hawaii. I want to live mainland sooo badly.
Holidays have not been a source of joy for me since about age 14. My grandmother died just a few days before Christmas after a long battle with cancer. It was terrible enough, and every year following there was always that shadow - at least to me. After my oldest sister divorced and remarried (to my conservative father's horror)then subsequently moved out-of-state, the holiday season became a time of "who is coming?" "when" and "who do we buy gifts for" and in the least pleasant way possible. In October 2006 I was in California and got married. With one witness. To a man my family had not yet met. I looked forward to Christmas for the first time in years. I was excited to spend the first half of my 2 week vacation with my family in Nebraska, introducing my wonderful husband, then fly back to Washington state to spend the rest with his family. It was not to be. The day before we were going to leave California, an epic snowstorm hit Denver. And of course, the flight was cancelled. The only way to reschedule was to only spend ONE day in Nebraska. I opted not to. It would've been too hard. So, in a decision that I KNOW fostered jealousy, we spent the whole of the holidays in Washington. While his family is wonderful, I had not seen mine for 7 months and was going crazy. It was nice, but my family was on my mind constantly, and I wanted to spend most of my time holed up in the bedroom with my head buried under the covers. I didn't want to face anyone. Plus, I was trying to get out of the military at this time, too, and was dreading talking about it.
Which brings me to last year. I was out of the military, and lucky to be living in Nebraska for a few months while husband was in Texas completing his MOS training. He was able to fly to visit me for a week. So, after being married for 1 year, 2 months, my family and my husband finally met. But, it being holidays in my family, it was not all joyful. My oldest sister was beginning a second messy divorce. Her kids were constantly with their other families, and my sweet middle sister ended up in the hospital on our last day there. There was no family picture to be had. No everyone sitting together.
I wish I could fast forward this year. I'm stuck on an island. Husband can't take leave, owing to being new at his job. It's upwards of 80 degrees, now in late November, and Christmas music has been playing since November 1st some places. I'm discouraged about a job, education, and husband works Christmas Eve, Day, and New Year's Eve. He'll be home in the evenings, but it will just be a set of normal days. I don't know why I resent it so much. After so many years, I shouldn't let it get me down. But isolated as I am, I need normalcy more than ever.
Today, I just want to cave in. Crawl back into bed, covers over head. I want to go to sleep, and wake up on the mainland with my husband, with some tiny bit of success - school, career. But right now, THIS is what I'm doing. Cats are sleeping, my connection to everyone I care about is either online or on the phone.
Allow me to wallow, because for today, that's what is on my agenda.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Starting over
I've done several different blogs before.
But I find myself again at a turning point in my life - I've turned so many corners, I think I've met myself coming and going.
It's good though, having your cheese moved. It forces you to reassess things, and prioritize. If you let it, it will make you crazy - but if you try, it will bring more fulfillment than you've ever achieved before.
That is my goal. I want each day to bring me closer to being a better person, and a happier person.
As new chapters unfold before me, I'll also probably revisit some old thoughts, and maybe old blogs, but I want this one to chronicle my new outlook and new journey. So it begins. . .
But I find myself again at a turning point in my life - I've turned so many corners, I think I've met myself coming and going.
It's good though, having your cheese moved. It forces you to reassess things, and prioritize. If you let it, it will make you crazy - but if you try, it will bring more fulfillment than you've ever achieved before.
That is my goal. I want each day to bring me closer to being a better person, and a happier person.
As new chapters unfold before me, I'll also probably revisit some old thoughts, and maybe old blogs, but I want this one to chronicle my new outlook and new journey. So it begins. . .
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